just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
