I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
