We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
