Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they need to just BURY HIM!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
