But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
