i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
