At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
