i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
