just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
