i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
