Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
