Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
