Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
