Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
