So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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