I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
