the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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