i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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