just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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