I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
