That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
