How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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