Plan B is the new Plan A
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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