and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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