matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
