Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
