I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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