Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
