"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
