Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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