I should be sponsored by Trojan
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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