I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
