If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell like Dick and happiness
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
