More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so that wasnt chicken after all
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
