Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
