My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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