he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
