I can tuck mytits in my pants
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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