If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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