awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
