it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
