Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
