She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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