i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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