tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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