I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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