dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
