I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
