I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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