Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
