I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
