hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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