Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
