WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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