my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Boobs are out for the taking
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
