You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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