Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
