Buhtt sex?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
