I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
