I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
