I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
