Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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