I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
