I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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