TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
