She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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