Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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