she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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