The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize