FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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