please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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