I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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