The maid of honor just puked.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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