You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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