Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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