Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
