Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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