she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
