I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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