she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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