i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
